We just finished sniffling our way through the movie "Steel Magnolias". Rachel picked it out, even after I warned her it was a tear jerker. I didn't think I'd ever want to see that movie again- the plot hits just a little too close to home. I was trying to think of an excuse to not watch it, but being the people-pleaser that I am, I didn't want to be a party-pooper. I figured I'd suck it up and watch the movie with them. I can't keep running away from everything that could possibly be a reminder. Otherwise all I'd ever be doing is running.
And oddly enough, it didn't bring the reaction I was expecting. Of course I cried, but I cried because it's a sad movie, not because it especially reminded me of Emily. And I realized that maybe, just maybe, dealing with a potentially difficult reminder is easier than hiding from it out of fear. And that maybe the first step towards being brave sometimes isn't a step, but an unwanted push. I know, I know- watching a sad movie doesn't exactly fall into the category of incredible acts of bravery. But for me, the "I don't address my feelings head on, but bury them inside and avoid unpleasant situations at all costs" kind of girl I am... it's a small step forward.
So tonight I'm thankful for bravery- even if I didn't start out looking for it.
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