Don't keep asking "what can I do". When you're going through something like this, you're lucky you can think enough to remember what your name is. I know people want to help... but it's too hard to try and think of something. And chances are there isn't anything anyway. What you need is someone to say "I'm here. I'm sharing your sorrow. I love you, and this totally sucks" Sometimes that's enough.
If you bring food- stuff that can be frozen is great. Stuff that can be eaten in the weeks after people have stopped bringing lunchmeat and potato salad. Not that those items aren't appreciated.... but you get alot of it. Better yet... just bring cake.
Don't ask how I am doing if you don't really want to know the answer.
Do not say that she is in a better place. Even though it's true... it is so not what we want to hear.
Don't feel like you have to say something.
Do not tell me that you never had a sister, and that I was lucky to have her even if it was only for 20 years. Stuff like that hurts, and 20 years was not long enough.
Don't tell me that time will heal my wounds. I know that.. but right now I want to grieve.
Don't tell me how to grieve.
2 comments:
Hi Melissa,
I just found your site thanks to a mutual artist friend we both admire, teri. Your posts really touch my heart because I lost one of the two loves of my life a little over two months ago. My husband David died suddenly and instantly while out in our backyard, and my 15-year-old son (the other love of my life) and I miss him terribly. As you say, grief has no timeframe. And I completely agree with and relate to your list of "things not to do." Our hearts are hurting, and no one can take that away nor tell us how to feel or grieve. you're a great writer. Keep writing. I find it's part of the healing process.
wishing you a peaceful heart,
Pauline
Pauline~
Terri is pretty amazing isn't she? She has helped me so much the last few months. More than she'll ever know, I think!
Thanks for your kind words. I've found writing was the only thing that kept me from going insane.
I swore I'd never again say "I'm sorry" to someone who lost a loved one, because I heard that phrase so many times it drove me insane.
And yet as I'm trying to think of something else to say instead to you, I'm drawing a blank. I suppose maybe that's why people say "I'm sorry".
I wish I had something profound and helpful to say. Losing a husband is a completely different kind of loss from losing a sibling, and I can't even ptry to understand that kind of loss. And I know there aren't words that'll really help anyway. So I think I'll take my own advice and just tell you that I'm sharing your sorrow.
Wishing you a peaceful heart as well~
melissa
Post a Comment