I wish this week was over. I wish it was next week, because by then this party thing would be over. I am dreading Saturday. I don’t want to be there- I don’t want to deal with all those people. I don’t want to try and smile and pretend that I think this was a great idea. I hate it. It’s morbid. It’s weird. It’s going to be awkward. It’s too damn soon.
But what am I supposed to do? Have thrown a fit and said no? It’s obviously something that mom and dad feel that they need to do. So how selfish would I have been to have told the truth? I thought about making up an excuse to not be there--- but that would have made things worse. I hate family dynamics. But I just am dreading this stupid party. If Emily was here, we still would be having a party- and it just doesn’t seem right somehow. There would be alcohol, and Mom and Dad would constantly be on Emily’s case about her not being allowed to drink too much because of her diabetes. And Emily would be sulking because they were hovering, and sulking because it was her day and she’d be wanting to do what she wanted. I would probably be avoiding all three of them.
Now there’s going to be all that alcohol, no Emily, and me avoiding everyone.
How on earth am I going to make it through that awful day?????????
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