The depths of despair....

I start to think I am doing better, and then find myself falling into the "depths of despair", as Anne used to say. (You know, from Anne of Green Gables? One of few movies ever made that was just as good as the book) And it was one of our favorite movies. We used that phrase all the time. Emily of course, was the more dramatic of the two of us. She'd put her hand to her forehead and heave this huge sigh that must've come from her toes and would almost have you convinced that making her pick up her breakfast dishes really had thrown her into the "depths of despair." *shakes her head as she types*. I'd forgotten about that until now.. I remember watching Anne of Green Gables for the first time. We were in Alabama, and for some reason, we were all sitting on the floor. I was sitting on the Turkish rug in front of the fireplace. I used to like to sit and pick at the charred threads from the fire. I close my eyes, and I can almost feel the parts of the rug I had picked clean. Anyway, I remember getting to the part of the movie where Anne and Diana aren't allowed to be friends anymore, and I started sobbing my heart out. To the point where mom and dad had to pause the movie. I was inconsolable at the thought that Anne had lost the one person who was as close to her as a sister. Never mind that mom kept telling me it was going to be okay, to keep watching. My heart was just breaking. Eventually I calmed down enough to finish watching, and mom was right- everything turned out okay. I thought I understood that depth of grief as a 10 year old little girl, caught up in the emotion of a movie. Now I'm a 25 year old little girl who's caught in the nightmare of life, and who understands firsthand what the "depths of despair" really does feel like. And unlike the movie, there's no way I can fastforward life to see if everything turns out okay.

See, that is why I read the end of books, and want to know what's going to happen at the end of a movie. I need to know what's coming, and I need to know it's going to turn out okay. And if it's not- at least I can prepare myself for it. (I'm neurotic, I know. Somedays I really think I would be a shrink's dream come true. There's so much to work with, I may as well be a walking dollar sign.)


Well. That was so totally not where I was going to go with this post. Funny how something like a silly phrase unleashes memories you'd forgotten you had.....
Guess I'll save the rest for another day. Doesn't quite seem to fit now.