an interesting conversation

Had an interesting conversation with my father yesterday. I’ve been agonizing over how/when/where to bring up the subject of possibly moving to South Carolina with them. I’ve been feeling guilty for even thinking about it- I just haven’t been sure if that’s fair to do that to them right now since it’s only been a few months since Emily died. But yet, I can’t stand the thought of being here a moment longer than I have to. And dreaming about moving down there and moving in with Lauren and Rachel for awhile makes it easier to get through the days. I called Lauren Sat. night after Emily’s party, and brought up how I wasn’t sure best to approach the subject. Her advice was that when the right opportunity arose- He would let me know. She’s usually right about these things- this time was no exception. Wasn’t expecting it so soon- but hey, I’ll take it. Satis est, right? It is enough.

Anyway, we were at Cracker Barrel yesterday after church. Mom was waiting with Grandma outside, and Dad and I were talking. He said something about our neighbor next door said to tell me to get my resume to him. Apparently he has a lot of contacts with a lot of businesses and stuff through his job. I said something to dad about that there just wasn’t anything open around here. (And in all honesty, I have looked for other jobs around here too.) Dad asked me how far I was willing to go. I kind of shrugged my shoulders, and didn’t really answer. Then he looked at me and point-blank asked, “Melissa, where exactly do you want to be?” Whoa. I asked him “honestly?” he nodded his head, and I said, “South Carolina.” And he said if that’s where I wanted to be, then that’s what I needed to do. Whoa. This coming from the same man who two years ago did everything he could to talk me out of it? I told him my concerns about leaving him and mom right now, and he said that although that wouldn’t be his first choice, I had to do what was right for me. Wow. Talk about a weight falling off of your shoulders! Now I feel like I can really look without feeling guilty or dishonest. I don’t know if he said anything yet to mom. I think she may be the one with more of a problem with it.

But I have also got to get out of here. I’ve been toying with the idea of moving down there for 4 years. It’s time to get off my duff and try and make it happen. Even Pastor Mike told me a few months ago when I went to talk to him that when a person usually talks about something for so long, it usually is a sign it’s something that they really want to do. And if God didn’t want me to try- I would think He would have put that desire to rest the last time, right? But each time I go there, it’s stronger. And now it’s almost all I think about. So I’m going to stop making excuses. I’m going to go home, and start sending out my resume like crazy. Tonight. No more, got to wait to talk to mom and dad, no more waiting until I get back from Poland….. starting tonight. And if it is God’s will, He’s going to have to make it happen. Oh, I hope it is. It’s the one thought that makes me happy these days.