Why is it that the days are getting harder? I’ve cried more in this past week than I did all of last month. I wonder if it’s because people are going back to their routines, and aren’t asking me anymore “how are you doing?” and I don’t have to lie and pretend that I’m fine. Maybe? I don’t know. But I’m finding that I look at the clock and I realize that it’s been a couple hours since I thought about Emily. And for those two hours or so, I don’t have that heavy weight on my chest. And then I weirdly feel guilty. I’m both looking forward to and dreading the day when Emily isn’t constantly in my thoughts. I don’t ever want to forget her, but I am so dang tired of feeling this way. How long does it go on? Does it really ever get easier? I laugh about her, and I cry about her, and some moments I am still beyond angry with her. I think I said before that this has been a rollercoaster ride.
Well, I’ve run out of barf bags, and I want to get off the rollercoaster.
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