Bittersweet moments

I think I've discovered what "bittersweet" actually feels like. I mean, I've heard the word used a million times, and I know the definition. There's knowing what it means, and then there's knowing what it is.
It's the moment that causes your heart to break into pieces, and then have them put back together. Your heart is whole, but you still see the scars. That's what bittersweet is.

I did in fact go to see the latest "Chronicles of Narnia" movie tonight with Emily's friends. And she would be so proud of me- me, the dork who is usually in bed by nine thirty is actually still awake and going strong at 3:30 AM. I can be fun, who knew?!

I missed her tonight. The last movie we saw together, we saw the trailer for this one. It was a movie we wanted to see. I added it to my list that she always made fun of me for. I missed her when as usual, I made sure Diana and I got to the theater way earlier than we needed to. I missed her when we walked into a practically empty theater and the infamous words came out, "Dang, where on earth are we gonna sit?". It was our running joke. I said it everytime, and everytime, Emily rolled her eyes at me. But it was our little ritual. And you know what... it felt okay to say it tonight. I wasn't sure I ever could again, but it was... well, bittersweet.
It hurt to realize that she's not here to share our little jokes, but it was a relief to discover that I can still go without her. I was afraid I'd never be able to go again, because the movies was our "thing". But it was fun tonight. It was fun to drool over the extremely handsome actor with Diana, and think about what Emily would have said. It was fun hanging out at the Wafflehouse afterwards until three in the morning. It was fun to laugh and joke with everyone. She was missing, but she was there if that makes sense.

I'll never walk into a theater without thinking of her. I imagine there are going to be so many more bittersweet moments like tonight. But they don't hurt nearly as much as I thought they would.