I am so darn tired of not being able to do anything right in my boss's eyes. No matter what I do, no matter how much I try and work on "problem areas", it is just never enough. I hate to sound paranoid, but this guy really has it in for me. When other people are noticing that he picks at me unjustly- it can't simply just be all in my head. For example, a few months ago, I got fussed at for talking too much. Okay, I made a concerted effort to limit my personal conversations. Last Friday? I was questioned why I am being "distant, unfriendly, and not speaking to anyone anymore." Are you kidding me? How do you work with someone like that????
And I think that they have honestly forgotten about Emily. One of my co-workers said I needed to sit down and talk to him and remind him that I am "going through a rough time", and ask him to be patient. One, this isn't a "rough time." A rough time is something that eventually gets better. This is not something that is going to change. Did they really expect me to bounce back after my allotted three days of bereavement? (And don't even get me started on THAT.) I shouldn't have to explain the obvious.
I'm not used to being disliked for no real reason. It's unsettling. And I can't fix it, which just drives me nuts. I wish I could quit right here and right now. And it really irritates me that when I leave here, he wins. But if I stay... I'm going to end up having a nervous breakdown.
But what really, really makes me mad is that he has me doubting my self-worth. And this has been going on since long before Emily. He almost has me believing that I am not capable. I know stuff- I know lots of stuff. And if he'd just give me a chance to prove myself, maybe he'd see that. It's time to get out of this mess. Life is too short.
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