"Don't Cry"

"Don’t cry."

I cannot tell you how many times I have heard this over the past few months. And for those of you who know me- I’m not one to cry a lot. Well, let me rephrase that. I cry at Kodak commercials and sappy movies. Okay, I cry at Disney movies too. I’ve been known to cry over a book. That commercial they show about the shelter dogs- you know the one where Sarah McLachlan’s song “Angel” is playing? That’s enough to send me out of the room. I cry over those superficial things. But about my deepest feelings and anxieties and hurts?

No, those I keep bottled up.
(In case you haven’t picked up on it, I am a walking contradiction.)

But getting back to my point- I have not cried a lot in front of people since Emily died. So when I am finding myself in a vulnerable moment and crying, it’s devastating to hear someone tell you “Don’t cry.” And I don’t believe people mean it that way- it’s just that being a witness to someone’s intense emotional pain and distress is so overwhelming, they don’t know what to do. And because people feel powerless to help. Because face it, there isn’t a thing anyone can say to make it better. And so the first reaction is to say, “don’t cry.”

We have a Bible Study that meets here at work on Wednesdays. My friend Debbie is the one that leads the group. Currently we are doing a study by Beth Moore, “Jesus, the One and Only.” (Which is a GREAT study. They all are- this is the third one we’ve done and I’ve loved them all. I highly recommend it.) Anyway, the focus verse for the lesson was Luke 7: 13: “When the Lord saw her, His heart went out to her and He said, ‘Don’t cry.’” Now, my friend Debbie has the gift of tears. She cries with you, and she cries for you. She feels things so deeply, that the tears just flow. Usually it’s me passing her the tissue box. Well today, it was me that needed the tissues. I don’t know why that verse set me off, but I think I cried through the whole hour.
The background to this story: Jesus comes across a funeral for the only son of a widow. She never asked Christ to intercede on her behalf, nor did anyone else. It was a chance meeting, but Jesus saw her tears and felt such compassion for her, He said those words that should never be said to someone who is grieving, “Don’t cry.” Now surely He of all people ought to know better. But why is it different, you ask? Well I’m going to tell you. Jesus then touches her son, and brings him back to life. Not because of any kind of requests, or even faith on the mother’s part. But because He felt such compassion and empathy for her. That completely blows my mind. The difference is that He told her not to cry not because it made Him uncomfortable, or helpless- but the exact opposite. He knew what He was going to do. He was essentially telling her, “Don’t cry, because I am here. I am going to fix this for you.” It’s a beautiful piece of scripture.

Now I know that Emily is gone. And I know that even though God is God and can do anything, she isn’t coming back. And so I imagine that what Christ is saying to me, here and now in this time is a little different: “Don’t cry… with hopeless tears. Cry knowing that I am still here, and that you don’t have to go through it alone.”