mom and dad are home. I'm glad they're back, I was getting lonely... but at the same time I still want to be alone.
I miss Emily. It was horrible last night. I went to Sunnyway and bought junk- french bread pizzas, chips, cookies, and soda. I watched the Friend's DVDs. She should have been there!!!!
I started crying again I missed her so bad.
It's like it hits me out of nowhere, the sheer finality of it. It's in those moments that I realize... she is never coming back. I know it, and it's the harsh reality I face everyday, but I don't allow myself to really dwell on it other than the surface. But those moments come when my defenses are down, and it hits me like a ton of bricks and suddenly I can't breathe. I miss her.
and I can't even post entries like these, because this blog is read by so many family members that I can't let them see this. Not because I am ashamed of my feelings, but because I just don't think that they will understand. And I think it would hurt them, and that's the last thing I want to do.
I am censoring myself on my own blog.
(Posted 5-8-09)
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