Balancing Act

It's New Year's Eve. It hit me all of a sudden that 2009 is almost over. Sheesh, I'm still trying to remember that Christmas is over.

I've been fighting a cold for the last three days. As I sit here and type I'm practically drowning in a sea of wadded up tissues, comfy blankets, and an armory of cough and cold relief medications. It's the kind of sick that makes you want to burrow under the blankets, crash on the couch, and have someone bring you hot tea and clean up your mess. It's a good thing I've never really been much of a party-type person on New Year's Eve. I'll be lucky if I can keep my eyes open long enough to say hello to 2010. Pizza, some sappy movies, and my two favorite girls cuddled on the couch sounds perfectly wonderful to me.

But for right now, Laurie's already at work, Rachel's still upstairs sleeping, and I'm hanging out with the cats and my laptop in the quiet of the morning hours, trying to come up with the right words to sum up this past year.

Last year around this time I was desperately anxious to be rid of 2008. I think I had some unrealistic expectations that 2009 was going to be wonderful, simply because I deserved a break.

Funny how life doesn't always work out quite like that.

In some ways, this year was marked with as much loss as last year. My friends that I lost to cancer, Heather and Terri. My grandfather. My grandparents moving out of the house they've lived in for decades.... even though it's only a house, it was a firm fixture in my childhood memories, and seeing it empty for that last time was heartbreaking. My job- even though I was glad to be out from that job, it still pretty much stinks to be laid off. And I really miss the people that I worked with.

But I guess the difference between December 31, 2009 and December 31, 2008 is that this time around... I know that life does in fact go on, as much as I hate that cliche. And even though this year has been difficult, there have been some pretty great moments too. I got the opportunity to return to Poland with Habitat for Humanity. I went to a counselor and started putting the pieces of my life back together. I moved- and even though the uncertainty of not having a job still weighs heavy on me... being here has been one of the best things I've ever done.

So as I'm thinking back on this past year, I guess it's been a balancing act mostly. A year of taking the good with the bad, and not letting myself fall back into that cycle of depression. 2008 taught me the painful lesson of grief, depression, and loss. But 2009 taught me how to discover the strength and grace to simply live through it. Because the reality is that you don't get a year "off" from unpleasant things happening. But how you deal with it is what defines you.

So come on 2010. I'm ready this time around.