Battling Anxiety

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." ~ 1Peter 5:7



Lately I've turned into one giant bundle of nerves. Between majorly, and I mean MAJORLY, stressing about the flight to Poland this Thursday, and worrying about life and choices- like finding a job, managing my money, dealing with unemployment, trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up, wondering if it's possible to go to school full time, what school to go to, where I want to live, who I want to be...... between everying I'm just one anatacid pill away from turning into a giant ulcer.



And I've got one more worry added to my ever-growing pile. Heather asked me to go with her tomorrow to her chemotherapy appointment at Johns Hopkins. I said yes right away. Heather is... well, alot like me. She rarely asks for help from people. So when she does ask- it's important. I told her I'd do whatever I had to do to make sure my schedule was clear so I could go. And I meant it- but I'm scared.



I haven't been in a hospital since that day in November 2 years ago when Emily almost died.

I do not like hospitals. Between my asthma and the fact that I am the biggest klutz in the world, you'd think I'd feel right at home. I practically spent half my childhood in the emergency room for one reason or another. But to this day I get this weird buzzing in my head the moment I step foot into one, and from then on it's a constant battle not to pass out. Add needles and IV's and tubes and plugs coming out of people and I'm just about done. That day in November was, up until that point, the worst day of my life. I had to leave poor Emily's room every 15 minutes or so and walk outside.



I want to be there for my friend, but I'm not so sure if I can handle it. It's a pretty selfishly rotten person that causes a drama-queen-esque scene in the middle of her friend's chemo session because IV needles make her feel "oogey".

Oy.