Back to the world of grown-up clothes?

I had a job interview this morning. An administrative assistant position for the executive director of the Columbia Jewish Community Center. Last night I frantically started tearing through my closet trying to find something to wear. It's amazing how you can have a closet full of clothing and absolutely NOTHING to wear. As I discarded outfit after outfit, I cursed myself for not having lost the 20 pounds or so I need to in order to fit into most of my "grown up clothes." No skirts, because then I'd have to wear panty hose. And it never fails that I always get runs in them no matter what I do. And not knowing the company policy, I needed shoes to cover the tattoos on my feet. Dress shirts didn't look right, sweaters were too casual..... my room was quickly becoming a disaster zone.

I finally pulled out a business suit I've kept in my closet, hoping I'd fit into it again someday. Holding my breath and praying with everything I had that those pants would fit... I tried them on. Someone must have heard me 'cause they fit. Guess all that moving and hauling and running around I've been doing has helped a little.

As I ironed my shirt this morning, (you don't have to check your glasses mother. You read right- I can iron. :), anyway.. as I ironed my shirt this morning I decided to go for broke and pull out the fancy black Steve Madden heels. I don't often wear them. It is the epitome of unfair to give a love of fancy high heeled shoes to a girl who is 5'11 (and a half-ish). I've always been sensitive about my height, and people love to make stupid comments highlighting the obvious. "wow, you're tall!" Gee, like I didn't know. But every once in awhile I decide to embrace the tall girl and wear the shoes.

As I looked in the mirror at the girl with her hair done, make-up on, business suit, and high heels, I almost didn't recognize myself. I so often only see the messy ponytail, the faint trace of mascara (if I think about it), ripped jeans, and a comfy hoodie that the woman in the mirror seemed like a stranger. Then I went downstairs and Rachel's eyes widened in shock. This was the first time she's seen me looking like a grown up. I felt pretty confident. Guess I do clean up pretty good.

It's amazing what an outfit can do for your self-confidence. As I walked to the car, I prayed that this would be a scene to be repeated for many mornings to come. Walking out in nice clothes, heading to work. I've missed my grown up outfits. It's been awhile since they've been used.
On the way home from the interview, I stopped in at the vet to pick up some medicine for Laurie's cat. Breezing in and out of the building in my fancy clothes, I pretended I was running errands on my lunch break. Stopped to get gas and didn't mind the guy at the next pump watching me. Pathetic, isn't it?

Later on, after the suit was hung back in the closet and my jeans back on, my high heels swapped for a pair of flip flops, and my hair pulled back out of my face, Rachel and I went to Starbucks. I watched as a woman in a suit and yakking on a cell phone came in. People sure reacted differently to her than they did to us. I envied her, her job, her obvious haste to get back to wherever she'd come from.

Confession. I do not want to work at Food Lion down here. The thought of starting there next week makes my stomach feel queasy. I hate the thought of putting on that ugly shirt and forcing myself to make nice with the general public. I really enjoyed the people at Food Lion in Greencastle. They knew me. They knew me and liked me because Emily was my sister. Because my mom works as a vendor there. I was used to getting my way when I needed it, and being able to make the schedule work for me. No one knows me here. No one knows my sister. And honestly, I'm just plain tired of being a cashier. I should be grateful to have it. But the reality is that I want to wear my grown up clothes again.

I should hear something within a week. I'm trying not to get my hopes up. And I know that this isn't the only job out there. And that if it doesn't work out, it just means that it's not the right one. But it sure would be a load off my mind to get hired soon. I want to get to know that grown up in the mirror a little more.