Milestones

5 years.

It hardly seems possible that I've been working here for 5 years. It barely seems possible that I've been out of high school for five years, yet I'm actually only two years away from my 10 year class reunion.

Oy.

It's funny how I landed here- After I freaked out the summer after I graduated high school and refused to go to college, I ended up working as a receptionist at a local temp agency. I was there for about 6 months when I got laid off. Three days after I got laid off from there, I was offered a temp to hire job here at Frick. I went in for an interview on a Wednesday morning. Two hours, three interviews, and one drug test later I was hired. I started working that same afternoon. Three months later I was hired as a permanent employee. Six months after that I was promoted from Engineering clerical assistant to Administrative Assistant in the Contract Administration department. And that's where I've been ever since.

Sometimes I wonder what my life would look like if I'd gone to school. I most definitely would not have ended up here. I wouldn't have met Debbie, and she has been one of the biggest influences in my life. And I definitely wouldn't have learned the lessons that I've learned over the last 5 years. My boss has alot to do with that, though not necessarily in the most positive of ways. My relationship with my boss has been... difficult... over the last few years. But this past year it's gone steadily downhill. After Emily died, I stopped caring. I couldn't get upset about anything. This job definitely is not my "passion", definitely is not what I want to be doing with my life. And while I did my best to do a good job, my heart was never fully in it. And after Emily died, there wasn't enough left of my heart to care. Perhaps if my boss was a more understanding person, the situation wouldn't have deteriorated this badly. But the combination of everything has created the perfect storm and I'm at my wits end. But this year has also brought things into sharper focus in some ways. I'm learning the balance between standing up for myself and recognizing when I'm wrong. And I'm definitely a long way from the doormat I used to be. And I've definitely had a lesson in dealing with difficult people.

My goal for the last six months has been to make it to 5 years. Partly because that means I'm vested and I'll be able to keep my employer contributions to my 401k. Not that there's much of anything in there... but every little bit helps. And part of that goal has just been to prove to myself that I can make it. After high school, all my "milestones" seem to be slipping farther and farther away.
In a very strange way, I'm proud I stuck with it this long and made it.
I even received a little gift from the company- which was completely unexpected.

Now it's time to move on. When I get back from Poland, I'm going to start looking in earnest for something else.

But for today, I'm looking back at the good moments of the last 5 years. Even though the situation with my boss casts a black shadow over most of my days, and it's sometimes hard to see the good moments - there have been so many of them. I've made friendships that will last for a lifetime. And those people are worth every snotty comment, every snide remark, every cutting e-mail my boss has thrown at me. Debbie.... Ginger... Denise...Sandy...Heather...the girls in my Bible Study group...Dave and Sue... every one of them has left a mark on my life, and I know I wouldn't be who I am without them.

I've thought that when I move on from here someday, that I'd just like to forget everything about this place. I even childishly planned to have a burn-the-business-card party on my last day. But I can't forget the changes I went through while I was here, and because I was here.
The good things are what I want to think of when I look at this little frame.

So I'm going to choose to celebrate today- celebrate 5 years worth of good, and pushing that black shadow away for today.