Emily's Tree

Emily’s sorority sisters planted a tree in her memory today. They had a ceremony at a park in Shippensburg, and they invited all of us to come. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go- for so many reasons. The sorority was such a private part of Emily’s life, I almost felt a little funny going. And deep, deep down…. I sometimes can’t help but wonder if she loved those sisters more than me, because she found something in them that I couldn’t give her. And I wonder if they know how horrible I was to her. Irrational? Yes, maybe. Paranoid? Probably. But you can’t change your feelings.

I kept going back and forth about whether I was going to go. I actually didn’t decide to go until I woke up this morning. And I am so, so glad that I went. They did an amazing job putting it together. I didn’t realize, but they’ve been trying to get permission from the Shippensburg Township to plant this tree for almost a year.

I feel somewhat ashamed of myself for being rather stereotypical.

Having never gone to college, and not being comfortable with, or having many, girls my own age, I don't get the whole sorority thing. But what I did get loud and clear was that those girls love Emily. And for that, I love them too. And they shocked me to my toes, they had a replica of the sorority pin for both my mother and me. Apparantley it's something that you can give to a mother or a blood sister. I cried my eyes out. Me, who doesn't cry. Argh.

Back at the sorority house, they have a collage of pictures of Emily that Tara made. And a shirt with her letters framed in a shadow box hanging on the wall. By the end of the morning, I felt about three inches tall. So much for stereotypes.

I laughed when Em told me she'd joined a sorority. I never thought she'd have fit in with the kind of girls that you think of when you hear sorority. I was wrong.... and I'm glad she had them in her life. Funny how Em would get soooo mad at me if I referred to anyone other than her as "my sister". Oh she'd get so pissed off. Obviously the rules were different for her, hahahaha. But that's one of the big differences between us I guess. I never minded if she had friends that she thought of as sisters. The way I see it, a girl needs all the sisters she can get. And watching those girls on Saturday, I could see that they do think of each other as sisters. And I'm glad that for all the times I wasn't the sister Em needed, she had them.

*sigh*

They chose a white dogwood tree. One of my favorites. One of the things that I hate most is that she's buried so far away. I hate not being able to go "see" her. The tree is not the same, but in a different way, it’s good to know it’s there.