Mom-Mom

After Emily died, so many people said that it was tragic that she “died so young”. As if her death was somehow worse because she was 20 as opposed to 80. I guess we do look at a young person’s death as somehow more of a loss than someone who is older. I’ve caught myself looking at the obituaries and skimming past the ones in their 70’s, and 80’s…. but reading the ones in their 20’s or 30’s. I guess somehow we think that the elderly have lived a “full” life and it’s not quite as tragic as someone who didn’t quite get to do everything. But let me tell you, 80 hurts just as much as 20.
My grandmother died last Thursday. We knew it was coming, but knowing that didn’t make it any easier. I will admit, it was a different kind of sorrow and loss than I felt for Emily. But it wasn’t any less because she was 80. It was still the loss of a person. Someone who lived and breathed and laughed and cried. Who was a wife, a mother, a grandmother, and a great-grandmother.
I felt like I ought to have said something at the memorial service. But I just couldn’t get myself together enough to get up there and say something. I found myself remembering how I fell in love with Shirley Temple movies, because Mom-Mom loved them. I think we watched “The Little Princess”, every time I stayed with them. I remember watching episodes of “Little House on the Prarie” together. I remembered all these things, all these memories, and how much I love her... but I couldn't string them together enough to form a coherent thought.

Sometimes you wonder how much hurt a heart can stand.

(unfinished draft- posted 5-8-09)