How High Is Up?

The past few weeks have been quite a whirlwind. Within a week after being laid off, I had an interview, was hired, and started working at a new company- all in the span of about two days. I'm incredibly thankful and grateful- so far I absolutely love this place. It keeps me busy, and the days have flown by. I'm already halfway into my fourth week there. I know they say everything happens for a reason. Typically I hate that phrase. But for whatever reason the other job happened, I sure am glad that ending up here was what happened next.


I haven't been hanging out on the computer much in the last few weeks. I think that this is the longest I've gone without facebook since I signed up for it. And you know what? I really don't miss it all that much. I never realized just how much of my time was being spent on facebook. I still try and catch up with my favorite blogs, but usually all I want to do in the evenings is go to sleep! I've wanted to come up with something interesting and profound to write, but I seem to have a case of blogger's block again. And in some ways, the story never changes. I still miss Emily. Sometimes I wonder if the story ever changes, or if this is the way it's going to be forever. I don't know if reaching that place of somewhat acceptance is healing or just giving up fighting against it.


I have found myself thinking about Emily alot. So many things remind me of her. Laurie and I went to the mall a couple of weekends ago. (Which we have quickly discovered is not a good idea. We are definitely a dangerous duo when it comes to shopping). One store in particular makes my credit card shriek as soon as we walk in the door. This store sells the best jeans EVER. After the 5th person told me how great they made my rear end look, I was sold. Seriously. The clothes border a little on the funky side. It's actually the kind of store Emily would have fallen in love with. Loud colors, bright patterns, and all kinds of funky. Mostly stuff that I would never consider trying on in a hundred million thousand years. I have definitely fallen into the world of grown-up, conservative clothes. In otherwords... somewhat boring. But the one sales girl is so cute, you can't help but humor her and try the stuff on anyway. And as I stood in the dressing room in a hot pink shirt with black embroidered angel wings, and blue jeans with silver threaded seams, completely out of my comfort zone, and feeling like a fool, I looked in the mirror and saw Emily. People said all the time how much we looked alike. When we were younger, I could see it. But as we got older, I couldn't really see the resemblance. Maybe it was the fact that I was wearing something that I could totally see my sister in. Maybe it was the lighting. Maybe it was wishful thinking. But for a split second, all I could see was Emily's face. Then it was gone. Maybe it was just a quick reminder of how much she still is very much with me.


I bought the shirt and the silver threaded jeans. I have no idea where I will ever wear it. But it's a little reminder of Emily. A little reminder to let go and have some fun once in awhile. Those kind of reminders I can deal with.