Another Piece....

Emily’s friends Rachel and Kevin got married on Saturday. Em was supposed to be one of the bridesmaids. I still remember her fussing because Rachel hadn’t decided on what color or style of dress she wanted. I don’t know Rachel as well as some of Emily’s friends, but I had always gotten the impression from the way Emily talked about her that she is a bit of a free-spirit, kind of a take-it-as-it comes girl. But for Emily, someone who needed to know what we were going to have for dinner each night of the upcoming week, the whole indecisive dress thing was driving her absolutely insane. I think her eyes actually popped out of her head when Rachel told them to “find something green”. I forget how many times she tried to pin Rachel down as to exactly what shade of green she wanted. I had to laugh when I saw the pictures and the dresses are yellow. Hahahahahahaha. I can just imagine what Emily’s reaction would have been.

I thought about the wedding all day on Saturday. I couldn’t bear to ask Diana if Rachel had gotten another bridesmaid.

My breath caught in my chest this morning when I logged onto my facebook. One of Emily’s friends had posted some pictures. I should have known- there was a picture of the vase of daisies that were placed in memory of Emily, right next to Diana where she should have been standing. I still can’t stop crying. I want to call Rachel and tell her thank you- for loving my sister. For remembering my sister. I want to tell her that I’m sorry, sorry that she lost a friend, and sorry that she wasn’t there for one of the most important days in her life. It’s things like those flowers that break my heart. One of Em’s friends left a quote on her facebook wall that said, “when you lose someone and you're not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once, you lose her in pieces over a long time." Saturday was another piece. Seeing that picture this morning was another piece.

But yet, as much as it hurts- in a way I don’t want to stop picking up the pieces. It’s all that’s left.