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Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Another Piece....

Emily’s friends Rachel and Kevin got married on Saturday. Em was supposed to be one of the bridesmaids. I still remember her fussing because Rachel hadn’t decided on what color or style of dress she wanted. I don’t know Rachel as well as some of Emily’s friends, but I had always gotten the impression from the way Emily talked about her that she is a bit of a free-spirit, kind of a take-it-as-it comes girl. But for Emily, someone who needed to know what we were going to have for dinner each night of the upcoming week, the whole indecisive dress thing was driving her absolutely insane. I think her eyes actually popped out of her head when Rachel told them to “find something green”. I forget how many times she tried to pin Rachel down as to exactly what shade of green she wanted. I had to laugh when I saw the pictures and the dresses are yellow. Hahahahahahaha. I can just imagine what Emily’s reaction would have been.

I thought about the wedding all day on Saturday. I couldn’t bear to ask Diana if Rachel had gotten another bridesmaid.

My breath caught in my chest this morning when I logged onto my facebook. One of Emily’s friends had posted some pictures. I should have known- there was a picture of the vase of daisies that were placed in memory of Emily, right next to Diana where she should have been standing. I still can’t stop crying. I want to call Rachel and tell her thank you- for loving my sister. For remembering my sister. I want to tell her that I’m sorry, sorry that she lost a friend, and sorry that she wasn’t there for one of the most important days in her life. It’s things like those flowers that break my heart. One of Em’s friends left a quote on her facebook wall that said, “when you lose someone and you're not expecting it, you don’t lose her all at once, you lose her in pieces over a long time." Saturday was another piece. Seeing that picture this morning was another piece.

But yet, as much as it hurts- in a way I don’t want to stop picking up the pieces. It’s all that’s left.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Link to travel blog

http://www.travelblog.org/Bloggers/Team2008Poland/

So I was elected to be the official travel-blog writer for the Poland trip.
If you want to follow along and see what we’re up to- there’s the link.

I found out that we’re taking a tour of the Opel car manufacturing plant while we’re there. Be sure to keep an eye out for the blog on that one. It should be an exciting event.

Three days. I leave in three days….. yikes.

I ordered a luggage set for my trip. They’re very pretty, if luggage can be called pretty. They’re purple.  But smaller than I expected. Em would have taken one look and told me that I needed bigger ones, because I’d need more room to bring back stuff.

I’m really nervous about that flight. Never realized I was such a wimp about flying, but I’m slightly freaked out. And I miss Emily. She’d be driving me nuts, trying to make me feel better, but saying all the wrong things. And pestering me about bringing her presents. (Notice I used the plural form of present…)

I’m excited about going, but then I feel guilty for being excited, then I feel dumb for feeling guilty…

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Where'd they go?

I find myself wanting to write something, anything--- and then I can’t think of a thing to say. I’ve got nothing. At least nothing that hasn’t been said before. I wrack my brain, trying to think of a funny story—and I come up with nothing. But I know there are tons of them- I mean, we laughed a lot. Sometimes at the expense of the other, but still we laughed. But for the life of me, I can't remember them.

Where are those memories now? 20 years, and this is the best I can do?

Monday, August 4, 2008

The ghost at the altar...

I hate that Emily won’t be at my wedding… well, if I ever have a wedding.
I was at one over the weekend, and I was watching the bride and her sister. Every so often they’d make a face at each other, or something silly. It is so something Emily would do. I’d be a nervous wreck, and she would be… well, Emily.

But what was really tearing at me is that I never wanted her to be my maid of honor. Does that sound horrible? Probably. But it’s true. I always intended to have her in my wedding as a bridesmaid… but not the maid of honor. I guess just because of our past, and the way things had been strained for awhile. I wanted my maid of honor to be someone that, well—liked me. And in another way--- someone responsible. Emily was many things, but responsibility and attention to detail was not one of her gifts.
Of course, it’s not like I’m even planning a wedding, or even remotely close to it. Who knows, knowing me… I may have just given in and taken the path of least resistance. Emily was a force to be reckoned with, and sometimes it was easier to just not fight it.

But now the choice has been made for me. And I feel so guilty. Because you see—I pretty much told her that once. We were talking about weddings and such, and she made the comment about how at least I didn’t have to decide on a maid of honor, because it was going to be her. Well that in itself ruffled my feathers, and so I told her that just because she was my sister didn’t mean she automatically got to be it. Just like I wasn’t assuming that I would be hers. I don’t know if she ever quite forgot that I had said that to her. And it hurts even more now because when it all comes down to it…..

I bet she would have had me as her maid of honor. And not because she felt like she had to either.

There’s a word for people like me… JERKS.

Friday, August 1, 2008

Brown thumbs and whispered prayers...

My prayer plant has flowers that are blooming. Why is this significant, you ask?
Aside from the fact that it obviously doesn’t take much to get me excited, I have the brownest of brown thumbs. I can’t keep flowers alive for anything. I don’t like to weed mom’s garden because I will inevitably pull up flowers that I thought were weeds. I love African Violets, but I manage to kill every one I ever try and grow. I try not to even look at Mom’s violets. I think they know, I am bad news for flowers. My great grandmother grew the most gorgeous flowers. My grandmother always has the prettiest flower beds too. And mom can make African Violets bloom just by looking at them. Somehow the flower whisperer gene bypassed me.

But house plants…. that’s another story. Somehow, I have managed to inherit all the rejects here at the office. People keep bringing me their half-dead scraggly plants. I guess they figure they are so far gone, it can’t hurt to give them to me. Maybe it’s the fluorescent lights, maybe it’s the humidity in the office, maybe they just recognize a kindred cast-down spirit. But for whatever reason—they are growing. I’ve actually run out of room. My office looks more like a greenhouse than a cubicle. People are now running when I approach with a cutting or a plant. I’m running out of people to give them back to. I just wish that I could sneak a carnivorous plant, like a Venus flytrap, in the midst of my jungle that I could unleash on those unsuspecting fools that get on my nerves….

*snaps out of daydream*

Anyway… back to Melissa’s jungle. I like my plants… but they still aren’t flowers. They’re neat, but not a lot of color. Just a lot of green.
A friend gave me a cutting of a prayer plant about a year or so ago. I liked it because it has deep red veins running through the leaves, and the underside is also red. It breaks up all the green in my office. I rooted it in water for a while, and then when I thought the roots were long enough, I planted it. Three days later, the darn thing was half-dead. So I pulled it back out of the dirt, and stuck it back in the water, figuring it was too late, and I had just killed another one. It perked up. And stayed perked up. And started getting more leaves. So I left it for a few more weeks, and then tried to plant it again. And… it worked. And it’s been growing ever since.

Prayer plants are a neat little plant. They get their name because at the end of the day, the leaves roll themselves up, and point upwards…. like they are praying. Every once in awhile, the leaves will twitch too. Someone said it’s the angels whispering a prayer when they do that. I figure I can use all the prayers I can get…

Last week, I noticed that there were three spiky looking things shooting up from the middle of the plant. I almost cut them off, but decided the less contact I have with the plants, the better. So I left them alone. And to my surprise, the other day I looked and there are really pretty white and purple flowers blooming off of those spiky things. And now there are more spiky things shooting out of the stems. How cool! I didn’t know prayer plants bloomed. So being the geek that I am, I went to my very favorite website- Google- and looked up flowering prayer plants. And to my surprise, I have discovered that prayer plants can be rather temperamental, and aren’t the easiest of houseplants to maintain. According to Google, I am supposed to be mixing acidic soil in the pot every couple months, trimming the leaves in the months of March and February, giving it special food, making sure it maintains a constant air temperature, and keeping the soil and leaves moist. Several sites suggested keeping a bowl of water near the plant to provide humidity for the leaves to “keep it happy.” (I am SO glad I didn’t know all that before. I'd have killed it just trying to keep it alive.) The day I spend more time on a plant’s beauty routine than I do my own is the day when pigs fly. I'm lucky I manage to brush my hair and throw some mascara on in the mornings. It’s managed this long without all that, it’ll be okay. Maybe it just likes me.

But back to the flowers. Since it is such a temperamental plant (haha, like its owner I guess), it is very unusual for it to bloom without "perfect conditions". I guess they do in their native rainforests, and in greenhouses, but not often indoors.

Well I’ll be darned. The girl that has the power to wither African Violets with just a look has managed to coax flowers from a plant that is not supposed to bloom. Maybe that green thumb gene is lurking in there somewhere.

Whatever the reason, I don't care. That silly little plant with the flowers has just brightened my week. See? Told you it doesn't take much.

Maybe the little angels whispering among the leaves figured I could use some extra prayers these days.