Walls, walls, walls

I’ve really put up a lot of walls in the past 11 months. And I’m just now starting to realize how confining they have become.
Two years ago, my mother got Emily and me these really awesome water color/poetry pieces. The woman who creates them calls them bonesighs. (You should check out her website. They are, and she is, awesome.) My mother had sent her a link to my blog, and she left a comment on here one day. We e-mailed back and forth, and I told her a little about Emily. She generously told me to pick out a bonesigh off of her website as a gift. So I did. The one that I chose says “live and dance and laugh, being free with your heart. for there is enough always- even when you forget” (terri). I picked that one because it reminded me of one of Emily’s favorite phrases “live, laugh, love”. It reminded me of her. I loved that first line so much, I didn’t really focus on the last part. But as I looked at it the other day, it struck me differently. “be free with your heart- for there is enough always, even when you forget.”
I have forgotten that recently, and I definitely have been anything but free with my heart. I’ve spent so much time building walls to hide my heart, to protect it from getting hurt again, that I’ve completely boxed myself in.
And now the air is getting stale, and I’m tired of my own company. I think I want to take down some of these walls, but I’m afraid it’s going to be a lot harder bringing them down than it was putting them up.
And there’s that fear that what if there really isn’t enough of your heart to give away….
I suppose that’s where the whole Faith and Trust thing comes into play.

(posted 5-8-09)