I really miss her. It’s strange really, it’s not always the overwhelming, gut-wrenching, heart-aching grief that’s the hardest to deal with. That is actually the easiest—you cry your eyes out, and then the storm passes. It’s the little every day things that come up that get me. Like the Pizza Hut commercial. Or when I see something cute with frogs on it. She loved frogs--- and now I seem to see them everywhere. Or when I’m having a bad day, or a lonely day and I just want to text somebody. Or when my phone at work rings and I pick it up expecting to hear her bright and oh-so-chipper “hi!” on the other end. Usually it’s because she wanted something, but I miss her needing something from me. I feel a little at loose ends some days--- and I realize that I miss being needed. I miss her rambling phone calls when she was bored. I miss her phone calls when she was angry.
Somedays it doesn’t seem real. It’s like I can’t wrap my mind around the fact that she’s gone. And I find myself at times feeling guilty--- that I should be more upset than I am. I guess that’s what they call moving on with life, but it feels like a betrayal.
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